I’m homesick right now.
But I don’t know which home is the reason why I became homesick.
Is that the home in Japan?
Is that the home which was in front of a house with full of birds?
Is that the home which I moved when I was 13 years old?
Is that the home in Finland where I got my host family?
Is that the home a place where I used to volunteer when the earthquake happened?
Is that the home in London where I experienced how hard this society is?
Is that the home where I used to work as a sales lady?
Is that the home where my friends live?
Is that the home where I constructed my relationship?
Is that the home with people/person who I felt most intimate?
Is that the home with people/person who I felt most comfortable?
The water which streamed never comes back
The feeling of missing memories is like trying to grab the water back
Probably homesickness belongs to memories.
How should I construct present situation as my home?
Now I’m trying to bake breads
‘The action of baking’
I’m not used to use powder(flour)
I’m not used to use an oven
I’m not used to use a bowl
I’m not used to use a scaler
I’m not used to use a bread knife
I’m not used to use a cheese slicer
I’m not used to eat bread(I like rice more)
I’m not used to digest bread……it takes long time or puke
I’m not used to everything related to bread, that’s why I want to try
The one thing I like is the time of waiting to leaven dough with yeast
It’s different from the time for waiting until rice is done
Boiling rice forces me to stay in front of a gas cooker in order to keep safety
but I can leave the dough of bread for an hour in a warm room
I read a book, listen to music, draw something and do some doodles
Constructing home is like accepting uncomfortableness and recreate new interpretations to enjoy the wrongness
Always there is another perspective if there is a negative aspect
If there is a white side of egg, there must be a sunny side of egg
Every time, the outcome is different, it's like whisking matcha for me.
Sometimes it doesn't grow big and tastes sour or I smelled beer one time.
I like the different characters of the tastes.
I started to use my hands to mix the doughs now.
I feel the bread seems more happier to be touched than being mixed by a scoop for rice.
And my friends taught me how to bake cakes and breads and when I had a baking session with my British classmate, we invited people for a tea party. That made me feeling at HOME. Even though the process of baking is new, sharing the tea time made me at HOME.
We ate sweets together and felt at HOME.
Now I don't buy any bread at REMA 1000
I used to eat rice as 100 percents of food
But I gradually try to adopt to be able to live in Europe
It takes long long long time
but being in a country with expensive products made me motivated to make my own food by myself
Rice is expensive and same as ready made bread
Then, all I can do is bake my own bread
The restriction makes my life more lively